How Much Fox Will Be Fined for So You Think You Can Dance Vagina?

So far the public outrage hasn't been nearly as intense as Janet Jackson's Nipplegate, but once the thought of a naked ladyflower on prime time television settles in, the reaction will be huge. Next up, FCC fines.

Last night, when a contestant on So You Think You Can Dance celebrated making it to the next round, she got so excited she fell to the floor, writhing in excitement, and let the camera film up her skirt. Too bad she wasn't wearing any panties. Oopsie!

After the Janet Jackson debacle, where she showed her breast on live television during the Super Bowl halftime show, the reaction was immediate and fierce. After all, bare nipples are the greatest threat to our national order. Well, nipples and gay marriage are close, but nipples always win by a hair. Now there may have been a real live vagina on television, we have no idea what the precedents are. Viacom, the owner of CBS, paid $550,000 for showing first base, how much will Fox have to pony up for the whole infield?

Well, that depends on a few factors:

• Since this was taped television instead of live, did Fox know there was a cooch in the broadcast when it aired? If so, big fine.
• If not, why doesn't Fox have an official person in charge of making sure that no genitalia make it on to television? If they don't, big fine. If they hire one, thus stimulating the economy and our Puritanical sense of decency, then the fine will go down.
• Was this a stunt to get everyone talking about a show whose ratings are off from the summer season. If so, Fox better get out it's wallet. (Also, kudos).
• How many form letters will the Parents Television Council fool people into sending to the FCC? The number is a direct correlation to size of the fine.
• Will Glenn Beck or another cable new yahoo take up the cause? If so, the decibel level of his loudest, sternest scream on the subject multiplied by the square root of pi will be used to determine just how much a vagina on TV will cost.
• How many tween girls were blinded by seeing a woman's nether region on TV? Each one will be awarded $300, or a free pair of tickets to a Miley Cyrus concert (but, you know, the back rows, cause it's not like they can actually see anymore).
• Was the girl in the clip 18? If not, every person who watched it on YouTube will be tracked down by their IP address and thrown into jail for watching child pornography. If not, then it's cool. We're all just pervs.
• Is there an actual vagina on television? Cause if not, well, is that even indecent?