Elodie Thomas hot photo

As you who have been following our podcasts know, I’m very much looking forward to the 2011 FIFA Women’s World Cup. I’m looking forward to it to see how our women — who have been largely dormant in their technical progress throughout the past decade — measure up to the rest of the world, which has been steadily increasing in its talent. But I’m also looking forward to it for the eye candy. I’m also looking forward to it because, whether the US women win or lose, watching them is always much less depressing than watching our men. (No, I haven’t yet gotten over our 0-4 violation at the hands of the visiting conquistadores.)

“What eye candy?”, you are surely asking me?

Huh. Good question.

Well, as the designated male chauvinist pig of the Detroit 3 — and if you know Max, that either says very much or very little about me — I’ve decided to answer that question for all my brethren out there.

What I have done is created a list of the six least unattractive national teams out of the 16 in the World Cup.

Some of the choices may please you. Others may SHOCK you. Most of you won’t give a shit.

Some of these pics me be a little NSFW, thank God.

So here we go — in descending order:

6. Norway

While not nearly as sexy as the Finns and not even as attractive as the Swedes, they are better-looking than the Danes. And nobody can take that away from them.

And although the overall quality of their face attractiveness is iffy, they are the most collectively buxom team competing for the Women's World Cup.

[Isabell Herlovsen]

But I also like you for your personality...

[Anne Tonnessen]

5. USA

All right, no fronting. The US women's team isn't the best representation of our nation's beauty. I do like women with some muscle tone, and we've definitely got that in spades on our squad. But other than that? Not much to speak of besides Alex Morgan (bear my children please!) and Hope Solo.

[Alex Morgan]

[Hope Solo]

4. UK

Well, I guess those British skinhead nationalists are right. Their country is being taken over by beautiful, athletic, exotic people. Shame.

[Rachel Yankey]

[Alex Scott]

[Jessica Clarke]

[Eniola Aluko]

[Fern Whelan (although not on squad)]

3. Mexico

Thanks to Getty images, I cannot, for the life of me, find some free, decent photos of the beautiful mujeres on Team Mexico. So here's some pics of nondescript players — past and current — instead.

2. France

Oh, God bless the French. God bless the French.

Now Max will be the first to tell you that I'll be far from the first to sing of the French woman's beauty. French-Canadian, sure. But French? Never been the biggest fan.

I may be coming around now, though.

[Laure Boulleau]

[Sonia Bompastor]

[Corine Franco, Gaëtane Thiney, Sarah Bouhaddi]

[Elodie Thomis]

[Louisa Necib]

[Marie-Laure Delib]

1. Australia

What?!? Australia?!? The country I've long said is by far the least attractive of them all? The country I've always mocked for having the most wrinkled and sun-burnt people of every race?

Yes, that Australia.

So you look at that picture and you think, "Well, certainly not bad. But what's the big hoopla?"

Apparently the Aussies can objectify their sheilas just as well as France and Brazil (see below for the latter; I don't know what year this team is, but I know it's definitely not this year's).

Here are the Matildas from 2000, I think.